Grow up

My mom and I did something this morning we haven’t done in a really long time.  We argued.  Well, it was actually more like a really heated discussion in which we both got pretty upset.

What set it off (ok, what set me off) was that she was (in my opinion) creating excuses for two members of our family and their behavior.  A father and son – I’ll leave it at that.  See, both of these individuals have a host of issues going on…to the point that their lives and the lives of those around them are seriously affected.  Without going into detail, I can say that both seem to have A LOT of anger and resentment and instead of having dealt with the core issues causing these feelings, they’ve used them as an excuse for their behavior and lack of personal growth.

I know this sounds like simply my opinion, but I’m trying to be as factual as I can possibly be.  Both have expressly shared their anger about past hurts (some real and some imagined) and have pointed to these things as the reasons for the current failures in their lives.  I’m not in any position to say what should or shouldn’t affect someone or how someone should or should not feel, but don’t we all have things in our pasts that we could blame for current problems?

I just think that at some point in our lives we have to GROW UP.  Whether it be through prayer, counseling, professional help of some kind or just open and honest communication with loved ones, we have to work through all the crap that keeps us from being the best we can be and move on.

Obviously, no one has a perfect life.  There’s good and bad to all aspects of our lives.  But, if you focus on the bad, the whole damn thing is gonna look bad.  I remember reading in one of Tony Robbins’ books about an exercise where one takes a bad memory and pictures it in their mind, and slowly starts to shrink it down like a camera zooming way out away from the “scene”.  You do this to the point where the picture of that memory is a little tiny dot way off in one corner of your mind.  Then, you picture a good memory and slowly zoom in and make it really big in your mind like a theater screen…maybe to the point of imagining that it’s on an IMAX screen.  Look, he wasn’t saying that what we should do is ignore our past and bury past hurts, I think he was saying we should acknowledge those issues and minimize the affect they have on our lives, while focusing on the good things around us.

I know it’s not easy to work through resentments and hurt, sometimes it can feel like that’s all there is surrounding us, but again, it’s about where we choose to focus.  I just think that if you’re going to whine about your life and not put in the work to actually make it better, you’re just making excuses to keep doing what you’re doing.

Earlier today, I posted this link to my FaceBook page:

http://www.facebook.com/NickVujicicFans?v=app_138260579550289&ref=mf

Nick was born with no arms and no legs.  Yet, he lives an incredibly fulfilled life that begins with a joy that comes from his faith in God.  I saw Nick speak in 2006 at a church in the San Fernando Valley and was just blown away by his energy, joy and faith.  When I started writing just now, I didn’t even remember that I had posted Nick’s FaceBook link earlier.  His story is a perfect example of choosing to live an incredible life, despite some fairly big challenges.  It was just coincidence that my mom and I had this discussion regarding personal responsibility this morning.  The issue I have with her about all of this is that she continues to make excuses for other’s bad behavior.  I just don’t happen to think that not holding people accountable for their actions, does them any good.   I know she means well and wants the best for everyone, but at what point do we consider someone “grown up”?  When they’re 20? 30? 40?  This entire post may seem to be especially “rambling on”, but I think it was really more of an exercise for me to be able to vent.  I’m not feeling as frustrated as I did a while ago, but still hold my opinion that at some point, we all have to take responsibility for our lives and do our best to be the best we can.  We owe it to ourselves, we owe it to our loved ones and, more importantly, we owe it to God.

Faith vs. Fear

In thinking about what I should “blog” about first, I considered introducing some personal facts about myself, discussing my lovely family or sharing my opinion on any number of things….but the truth is that it really only makes sense to first discuss that which comes first in my life (yes, even before my family) and that’s my faith.  Faith in a creator God who exists in 3 forms as the Father God, His son Jesus and the Holy Spirit.

Hopefully, over time it’ll become clear why I have made the conscious decision to put Him first in my life and why I can confidently say that my lovely bride is glad that I put God first.  For now, let me just say this – any contractor or architect worth his salt will tell you that without a strong foundation, it doesn’t matter how well you plan or build the rest of your house, it’s eventually gonna come crashing down around your head.  In the Bible, Jesus explains it this way in discussing the value of following His teachings and putting our faith in God:

 “Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it."

Matthew 7:24-27

In all honesty, I haven’t always heeded these words.  In fact, through much of my adult life, I did what many of us do. I always tried to do things my way.  I would try to will things to turn out how I thought things should go.  In short, my ego was so big, that there was little room for God.  In any case, my point is that I’ve chosen to build my life on the foundation of my faith in God. 

With that said, what was really on my heart to share was the importance of faith during difficult times.  It goes with out saying that there are A LOT of really scary things going on in people’s lives right now.  During any given year, we all deal with illness, loss of a family member, disharmony in our relationships and financial stress.  But the last couple of years, it seems like someone “set the burner to high”.  It’s not even worth listing all the stuff going on in our country right now – we all know.  But, at the same time, there are still amazing blessings in our lives all around us.  We are still the most blessed country and people in the world.  We enjoy things here that others around the world will never have.  I’m reminded of this fact when I get to talking to some of my friends that have come to the U.S. from other countries – some as far away as the middle east, India, and Pakistan and some as close as across the CA border.

Dale Carnegie wrote a book called “How to Stop Worrying and Start Living” many, many years ago.  Chapter 15 of that book is still one of the most impactful things I have ever read.  One of the habits I developed from reading that chapter was thanking God each morning for very specific things in my life.  And I mean everything I can think of in the few minutes it takes to do this before getting out of bed – my family, my health, my job, my friends, my church….  By the time I get to…say…the 10^th thing on the list, my mood is so light, grateful and happy that I can’t wait to start the day.  I guarantee you there are always a ton of things on that list and for me, it’s about starting my day with “an attitude of gratitude”.

I guess the point I’m trying to make is that even in the face of adversity, if we have put our faith in God, we should have no fear.  Christians can agree that fear is the opposite of faith.  Fear doesn’t give God any room to work.  Like Francis Chan says in his book, “Crazy Love”, when we worry, we’re saying that our problems are bigger than Him.  Really?  Do we honestly believe that our problems and fears are bigger that the creator of Heaven and Earth?

Unfortunately, fear isn’t the only way we don’t leave room for God.  Sometimes we rely too much on ourselves.  Don’t get me wrong – confidence and self-reliance are admirable traits.  But, when we try to do everything ourselves and will (sometimes force) things to go our way, we’re trying to impose our will and not deferring to God’s will.  We don’t always have the answer to our problems and we will never have all the answers.  I’m comforted by the fact that I have a Father God, who (much like an earthly father) has my best interests in mind and knows what’s best for me.

I think this topic has been on my mind for a while, because I am at a point in my life where both amazingly awesome blessings are happening and a couple of interesting challenges are looming on the horizon too.  But, there’s an incredible peace in knowing that if I do my best to create solutions for things that I can control, I can give up to God the things I can’t control and know that they’re in the best hands possible.  I am so grateful for and LOVE my life.  Not because I don’t have problems, but because even problems provide me with an opportunity to draw closer to God and to strive to be more like Jesus.  Because after all, if I call myself a Christian, shouldn’t I be trying to be more Christ-like?

Starting Out

To be clear – this blog is titled “The Rambling Man Today” not because it’s about “rambling along” in the sense of taking a trip or traveling and it definitely has nothing to do with the Allman Brothers (as cool as that song is).  What it does have to do with is the fact that I tend to have random thoughts and ramblings that are probably better suited to a blog than FaceBook, email or talking my poor friend’s and family’s ears off.  Even if no one ever really reads any of this, the mere act of having put it down on “record” will be a healthy exercise for me.  Kinda like keeping a journal  (which I’ve never really done, but have always heard was a great practice).  So, consider it just that.  A public journal, providing a peek into the inner thoughts of a man trying to make his way in today’s world.

Topics will probably be much like my interests – all over the place.  But I can almost guarantee that what I will touch on will include God, family, friendship, travel, food and the occasional thought on “popular” media like movies, TV and music.  The first half of that list are things that are important to me and the second half are things I just tend to like (I’ll let you decide what side of the dividing line food falls on).  In the meantime, knowing that someone other than myself could be reading, I’ll try to keep things informative, interesting and maybe even a little entertaining.